I keep wondering if I can afford to move my end date up – leave work on July 17th rather than July 24th. It makes little sense, really. Especially given that the week of the 20-24th I have to take two sick days for doctor’s appointments and, thus, am only working a three-day week. I’d lose another week’s pay which, when paying for a moving truck and doubling up on August rent is not really feasible.
I just want to enjoy summer that little bit longer before I’m thrust into classes, studying, exams, and a new graduate assistantship. I want more time to see Boston. More time to enjoy. I want to live through the grieving instead of rushing past it. I want to sit on this porch, drink coffee and write. Meander to the pool from 2-3pm for a swim. Take Bryce to the pond in the late afternoon for a paddle. I want to not worry when she keeps me up all night because she needs to pee because the steroids are too much for her little body. I want the flexibility of taking her to the vet midday and wandering around while i await results. I want to get down into Boston and to the harbor. Wander the streets. See my friends.
I’m also unmotivated by work. I admit that. The last time i handed an early notice in at a job, I was too invested in the movement and interested in the work to slow down. I was attached to the team and my executive director and so I worked long hours prepping for my leave. I’m disinvested in this job, I admit. But, it’s summer and so the faculty are mostly MIA. The students are few. We’re in transition with our MPH program, so the workload is light. And yet, I’m bound to my desk to sit under fluorescent lights nonetheless. My time there feels like such a waste – especially as time is moving too fast.
So how do I find motivation? I’m thinking of creating a paper countdown chain (similar to those I’ve created when going to see my niecelets for vacation), so that I can concretely see how close I am to the end. I’m trying to get some folks moving on two evaluation projects and journal article drafting – I love that work. I can add in South End walks to my daily work schedule which, although will leave me sweaty, will increase my joy tenfold. And, I can use my days better: spending time on the porch with Bryce, reading, writing, or doing porch yoga in the morning; going for a swim in the evenings (as with getting up for B in the night I’m a wee bit more tired in the a.m. these days); planning weeknight friend visits and weekend outings. There are only 33 days left until we move (21 work days). I can make these days count.