sitting in the car

I’m sitting in my car listening to country music, sipping decaf espresso, and crying because I am feeling all the feels.

It took Bryson and I over an hour tonight to walk the two blocks to the MSPCA park. She was so stubborn – she wanted to play ball, but was limping so bad she was panting. We took two breaks getting home, and when we got to the porch I carried her up the stairs.

She has an appointment on Thursday to see an orthopedic surgeon because my vet can’t do any more for her without imaging. I don’t know what the scope of this means. 

I know there’s an old injury. I know there’s arthritis. I know there’s aggravation caused by the acute injury two weeks ago. I know that her hips go squiggly and she falls forward on her right side heavily as she walks.
In the morning, and in moments throughout the day, she has so much energy. She wants to play. She wants to wrestle. She wants to go on long walks- goddamnit. And I have to tell her no.

I’m trying not to be hyper anxious. I’m trying not to overthink it. I’m really struggling to be in the moment instead of worrying about what might be.

So I’m sitting in my car drinking decaf espresso so I don’t eat my weight in chocolate. I’m listening to country music because I need to scream and it’s covering the sound. I’m crying here because when I cry at home Bryce frets over me- worries. And I’m writing because I’m avoiding going home and seeing my girl, struggling to get up off the floor because her hips and shoulder hurt.



One comment

  1. […] life, her life, wasn’t easy. She first became seriously ill in Spring 2015. She went lame, and after countless tests was diagnosed with a immune-mediate polyarthritis. That summer she went […]

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