Life is changing and I along with it.

Thursday was a difficult day. And, because G-d is balanced, today was an amazing day. 

On Thursday I realized that I have things I need to let go of. People I need to grieve. Losses I need to stop blaming myself for. Feelings I need to have. Coping mechanisms I need to learn. Communication strategies I need to employ. Thursday was difficult.

I realized I have new experiences and memories that are wonderful, and old ones that are beautiful too. I have people that I love- whether they are here today or gone. I am blessed with change and new experiences. I have feelings and I feel them  – even the difficult ones. And, I have a few healthy, fun, enjoyable, smile-inducing coping mechanisms. Thursday was amazing.

On Thursday, I was offered yet another opportunity for change. And, I am taking it. I was offered a position at a local university thereby ushering in an end to a now 9 month-long un/under-employment. I have hated, loved and felt ambivalent about these past nine months. During this time I officially became divorced. I invested in a new relationship. I stopped drinking. I bore witness to my bf and his family’s pain as their mother was diagnosed with and died from cancer. I am bearing witness to a friend’s struggle with her mom’s cancer- still Stage IV two years later. I’ve learned to cry and talk about it.

To both celebrate the difficulty and beauty of today I turned to baking Flourless Almond-butter Cookies, adapted from Ambitious Kitchen and Chocolate Chip Pumpkin Cookies, adapted from The Realistic Nutritionist. And yes, they were yummy.

"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly."


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