Thursday was a difficult day. And, because G-d is balanced, today was an amazing day.
On Thursday I realized that I have things I need to let go of. People I need to grieve. Losses I need to stop blaming myself for. Feelings I need to have. Coping mechanisms I need to learn. Communication strategies I need to employ. Thursday was difficult.
I realized I have new experiences and memories that are wonderful, and old ones that are beautiful too. I have people that I love- whether they are here today or gone. I am blessed with change and new experiences. I have feelings and I feel them – even the difficult ones. And, I have a few healthy, fun, enjoyable, smile-inducing coping mechanisms. Thursday was amazing.
On Thursday, I was offered yet another opportunity for change. And, I am taking it. I was offered a position at a local university thereby ushering in an end to a now 9 month-long un/under-employment. I have hated, loved and felt ambivalent about these past nine months. During this time I officially became divorced. I invested in a new relationship. I stopped drinking. I bore witness to my bf and his family’s pain as their mother was diagnosed with and died from cancer. I am bearing witness to a friend’s struggle with her mom’s cancer- still Stage IV two years later. I’ve learned to cry and talk about it.
To both celebrate the difficulty and beauty of today I turned to baking Flourless Almond-butter Cookies, adapted from Ambitious Kitchen and Chocolate Chip Pumpkin Cookies, adapted from The Realistic Nutritionist. And yes, they were yummy.