working on believing

It’s the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen. Muhammad Ali

I have been unemployed or underemployed now for eight months. During this time I have worked in a bakery, blogged about my daily experiences, spent *hours* on the phone with the state unemployment office, applied for countless jobs, negotiated a series of adjunct classes to teach this fall, deepened my work in therapy, and resolved that my next full-time step be to a position that means something AND promotes work/life balance.

I’ve realized during this time under-/unemployed that I’m built for thinking, for learning and writing, and for educating and teaching. I thrive on strategic planning. I enjoy quiet reflection. I like to work from home (occasionally) and I like to be with people. I need to be challenged and yet I also need that challenge not to take over my self and my life. I do not want to work an 60-hour-a- week job, nor do I want to work 50-hours a week. I can. But, I don’t want to. Nor do I think that one has to work that much. The 40++/hours standard is a by-product of capitalist culture- not a necessity. I want a position that appreciates me as much as I appreciate it. A company that works for me as hard as I’ll work for them. I need time for self, for family, friends, and my boyfriend. Oh, and the dog and cat 😉

I believe those positions do exist. This fall I have created a “salary’ for myself from adjunct teaching. It is a far, far cry from my prior income, and it still leaves me vulnerable due to its lack of benefits (i.e., a cancer survivor with no healthcare is a worrisome thing). Yet, it gives me balance. I have time to write. I have time to bake. I have time to walk my dog and then take a nap with her if I need to. I have time to go to therapy – regularly. I have time to job search and network. I have time to live outside of work.

I believe that balanced positions exist. However, so far I’ve had trouble finding them and finding employers who are not shocked at my expressing that I believe that a 35-40-hour work week is a necessity for promoting good work. I am struggling to believe that I am actually going to find that next position: one that challenges me; fulfills my desire to do social justice work; utilizes my strategic planning, management, writing and speaking skills; and that supports me working balanced hours for a living wage plus benefits. But, I know that I have to believe it because I know that what we put into the world manifests around us and in us. I have to believe because I want it to happen.

So, if it’s the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief, then I affirm that I will find a job that promotes balance. My next step will put me first and the job second. And, it will both use and support the growth of my skills and expertise.

I will repeat these affirmations. I will work on believing that the work is there and that I deserve it. And, things will happen.


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The Universe is my Classroom: Every encounter is an opportunity to both teach and learn

Running with science

The science of healthy living

Clementine Morrigan

Writer, Poet, Rebel Scholar, Working Witch

Chanyado. Shade. Respite from the sun. A place under the tree to rest my head, and wiggle my toes out in the sun.

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